Google surely knows best!

Violetta Malatesta, Celebrity Soprano

Violetta
Malatesta,
Celebrity Soprano

It brings to us what we should really be paying attention to. And now we have “social” media, the new tenement house: no need to leave the house to enjoy juicy gossip. Who has the time, anyway,  to read those huge volumes, the complete works of this or the other ancient writer? I much rather stick to gossip. Some of those writers did not even bother to learn English and had the nerve to write thousands of pages splitting hairs about inconsequential subjects. What were they thinking? To make matters worse, some wrote in dead tongues. That does not sound healthy- no wonder they are all dead.

Authority, an online source for great modern writing that charges an arm and a leg to dispense advice, reveals how many words blog posts should have. The magic number? 500,  last I looked. Imagine how many trees could have been saved if Plato alone had suscribed to Authority. Beware: the recommended number of words might be down to 200 by now. My goodness, am I in compliance? I better start counting…

The great media outlets now tell us what to think, eat and wear,  while many gurus offer the secret of success; that surely makes life a whole lot easier. Imagine having to think for oneself: that would be exhausting….

Now, just last year, Wikipedia finally dethroned the libraries. What a relief! ( I read it on social media, so it must be true). Pity that during the destruction of the Library of Alexandria scores of mice scholars lost their lives rescuing priceless manuscripts from Antiquity. Read my lips: the two or three extant manuscripts now collecting dust in boring, quiet libraries- of course, none in Florida, on account of the weather- were rescued by mice.  I tried to see one of those rare artifacts  in Europe- don’t get any ideas, it was simply out of curiosity- but they did not let me in with my boombox. Good riddance: I was not even playing it that loudly that afternoon and I certainly wasn’t that interested in the first place to risk losing my new boombox. And I surely wasn’t about to put it in no dirty locker.

I always thought that having all those torches in a building full of books was not a very good idea. Something was bound to happen sooner or later. It turned out that the scholars and priests who were pretending to study the night the Library of Alexandria went up in flames all ran out screaming and only took their lunch boxes with them. Did they even bother to look back? No one paid much attention, however, to the mice but they had been busy learning away all that time and knew which the most valuable volumes were and where they were kept.  That is how they were able to rescue those precious manuscripts. Surely the valiant mice scholars who lost their lives to save the wisdom of the Ancient World would have a thing or two to teach us….  we could, in turn, teach them how to take selfies….

(I do hope that this time I stayed within the recommended daily allowance of words…Believe me, that ain’t alwasy easy….)